"Oh, Lord, if I must die today / Please make it after the close of play"



After the shambolic performance by the overpaid prima donnas in the England football team last night... today there's a chance for Michael, Freddie and the lads to put things right. Go get those Ashes lads. Whip those arrogant Aussies and we will gloat for at least two years. (Arrogant... moi?)

Steve Bell... genius!

Yes, well, if you were living in a rat infested swamp with your relatives dying around you, you wouldn't want to be treated by no Cuban doctor, would you?

No... don't hit the back button. This is good.

Powerful picture of the aftermath of the storm. Just one of the thousands of pictures of the hurricane on Flikr.

Tom Wolfe's Bonfire of the Vanities exposed what you find when you scratch beneath the surface of United States society. The Superdome: Monument to a Rotten System says the same thing.

Meanwhile, in The Times, they run rubbish like this. I particularly like the bit where he says it can cope with flooding. Now all those residents of the New Orleans projects will know what to do in future. But this is a serious newspaper, The Thunderer, and this quote shows just how far it has sunk under Murdoch: "There are advantages to having a truck like this. Like pulling up alongside beautiful women in convertibles. You get that cleavage shot that you can’t get in a normal pick-up."

Michael Moore's Letter to George W. Bush.

Prison works, Michael Howard once said. Well, does it. Judge for yourself.

The Today programme's John Humphrys is to be investigated by the BBC about remarks he made to an audience of PR people. The remarks, which were part of a lighthearted speech, included saying about Peter Mandleson: "I said to somebody once, ‘why do you all take an instant dislike to Mandleson?’ and he said ‘well, it saves time’. He said, ‘he’s a hard man to dislike but it’s worth the effort’." Humphrys also said " I do get to interview Gordon Brown a lot, oh joy. He may or may not, we have yet to see, be a great Chancellor of the Exchequer, but by God he is quite easily the most boring political interviewee I have ever had in my whole bloody life, without any exceptions." Apparently not the sort of remarks the Beeb wants to hear from their 'impartial' political inquisitor. Still, given the fact that Louise Casey appears to have been promoted by Blair after making similarly offensive remarks, perhaps Humphrys could come out of it all unscathed.

First we lost John Arlott, truly the voice of cricket and a man who knew the value of silence as part of television cricket commentary. Then Johnners joined the great umpire in the sky. His hilarious 'leg-over' commentary with 'Aggers' recently won a Radio 5 competition for the best sporting commentary.... (you can listen to it here). Now the third 'great' in cricket's commentary team is packing away his microphone after next weekend's Test Match. Richie Benaud was a great Aussie spin bowler when I was a kid, and I mean great. But as a commentator he has become a legend in his own lifetime, and three cheers to him for turning his back on Murdoch's money.

3 wheels, 2 guys, 1 country - Help them to make a difference

Those of you who have been following the exploits of Steve, Our Main in Hanoi will already know about the work he has being doing for a year with VSO on the KOTO project in Vietnam. The aim of the project is to train young Vietnamese people, many of them former 'street kids', in the skills needed for working in and running a restaurant. As part of the fundraising effort for KOTO, two guys from Extreme Charity are riding (cycling?) a cyclo for over 1,000 miles from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City. YOU can help out by donating a few quid to support Marty and Adam and help to give an opportunity to another 23 traineees in the coming year. You can download the donation form on the Extreme Charity webpage.

"If cricket says something about race, it says more about class." A fascinating piece about this new game the tabloids have invented..

I don't actually believe it... but it's fun. You must have pondered where you would emerge if you dug a great big hole in the ground in your back garden.... and just kept going! (Via New Links who also give us a link to this shocking news!)

Tom Watson is, quite rightly, taking up the case of one of his constituents who has an O2 mobile phone mast overlooking their house.


Well... the picture of this bloody monstrosity is taken from the bedroom of a one-year-old child in my Ward, and it was erected despite the opposition of local residents. It is an absolute disgrace that this is allowed by Government... and before you ask, yes, I have got a mobile phone, but I would gladly accepted a reduced service if it meant avoiding this sort of thing.

Livingstone to face the Standards Board

As regular readers of these pages will know, there are many things I will gladly argue with Councillor John Hemming about. Not surprisingly really, because he is wrong about so many things. However... on the issue of the Standards Board, I agree with him almost 100%.

Yes, there are instances of councillors ‘bullying’ officers…and there are instances of councillors showing ‘a lack of respect’ for colleagues and others. But it cannot be right that (with as much respect as I can muster) a team of faceless bureaucrats can have the right to overturn the democratic wishes of the electorate and dismiss or suspend a politician. I do believe there should be rules governing issues relating to corruption or other illegal practices, but I can think of no greater act which would bring the post of Mayor of London, or the Standards Board of England and Wales into disrepute, than for these people to take action against Ken Livingstone.

"Yorkshire all out 232, Hutton ill! I'm sorry.Hutton 111" - BBC news announcer

We used to go to Scarborough for our holidays when I was a nipper, and tales of derring-do by the great Yorkshire cricket side of the 1950's and 1960's led me to supporting the Yorkshire County Cricket side. I suppose I was the cricket equivalent of the 'glory-hunter' Manc fan from Devon... or is it Chelsea these days? Anyway, for my sins I have ended up supporting Yorkshire through thin and thinner over the last 40 years or more. So... I was puffed out with pride to see big Matty helping the King of Spain to guide England home on Sunday afternoon. Why, even curmudgeonly old Boycs is claiming the credit. To understand just how helpful Boycs can be, you have to hear this tale from Basil D'Olivera that sums him up perfectly. D'Olivera came out to bat on a sticky wicket with England a four wickets down for very little, and Boycs was still in on about 6 not out. After a few balls Dolly realised that if you took a large step down the wicket you could nullify the spin and batting became easier. He walked down the wicket to Boycott and explained his theory to the great man. "I know" said the world's most selfish Yorkshireman, "but don't tell the others!"

...."Chávez, now 51, is the same age as Tony Blair, and after nearly seven years as president he has been in power for almost as long. But there the similarities end. Chávez is a man of the left..."

Richard Gott on Hugo Chavez.

(hic)

Says millionaire Lib Dem MP Lynne Featherstone:

...Drunk and disorderly behaviour amongst under-18's is still a significant problem.

Many of our town centres are becoming no-go zones on Friday and Saturday nights. While the majority of young people behave responsibly the fact that over 31,000 under 18's were prosecuted for being drunk and disorderly will be a major worry for parents everywhere.

Binge drinking can cause significant health problems for young people and it is now clear it is a major social problem in our communities.

So why is it Lib Dem policy to lower the legal drinking age to 16?

(via Lib Dem Watch)

I wonder if, under the British Government's latest proposals to outlaw crazy clerics, they would do anything about Nutty US evangelist Pat Robertson. He has called for the United States to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez because... "a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability." Somehow, I feel that it is extremely unlikely that the Bush/Blair doctrine of The War against Terror will be applied to this sort of dangerous religous lunatic. Perhaps the worrying thing is that 7 million sad people are supposed to watch this tripe!


Interestingly, Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld felt moved to comment, that..."Our department doesn't do that kind of thing. It's against the law,".

Oh yes, of course. "I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its own people. The issues are much too important for the Chilean voters to be left to decide for themselves." — Henry Kissinger following the coup of 9/11 which led to the death of Chilean President Salvador Allende.

Steve Bell on the Irakey Constitution.

Arsene Wenger: Pot to kettle, pot to kettle, come in please.

“When the earth becomes a common treasury again, as it must, . . . then this enmity in all lands will cease.” The English Revolution.

Hattersley intrudes on the Tory Party's private grief.
David Davis's irresistible attributes are said to be a broken nose, membership of the Territorial SAS and a birth certificate which confirms that he was born in a council house. If that is what it takes to become Tory leader, potential Conservative prime ministers are to be found in most job centres.

Theme Park Death. Robert Fisk on the horrors of Baghdad. Also on ZNet: Has Bush reached the tipping point?

Cover up? Not me guv, honest.

I like David James. OK, he's not the greatest goalkeeper who ever trod the turf, but in my book he's a good guy. In 2000 Aston Villa lost 1-0 in the FA Cup Final to Chelsea, the goal coming about largely because of a howler by James. The newspapers the next day laid the entire blame for our woeful performance on 'Calamity' James. No headlines about the fact that the forwards hadn't mustered a shot on goal throughout the whole 90 minutes (strangely familiar yesterday at Old Trafford too) or that the midfield was non-existant, or that no defender cleared the corner which James actually came for. No, the whole debacle was down to 'Calamity' James. The next day, through 'contacts' in Birmingham City Council, I managed to wheedle the family into Birmingham City Council House, where Doug Ellis had managed to get the Council to organise a Civic reception, presumably in anticipation of our great victory. The players trooped in, and didn't they just troop. OK, they didn't have anything to celebrate, and they should have looked sheepish about their shambolic performance the previous day. Also... a Civic Reception... for losers? No wonder they were embarrassed. If anyone should have wanted to hide away it was the giant goalkeeper who had been scapegoated by the media. But whereas Billy Bigtimes like Gareth Southgate and Lee Hendrie and most of the other multi-millionaires just sulked in the corner, Jamesey was everywhere, posing for photos with the kids (and, shamefacedly, their dads in some cases) signing autographs and chatting amiably with anyone and everyone. Benni Carbone and Merse, at least one of whom probably didn't have the faintest idea what was going on, also joined in I'm pleased to say. The sulky Southgate, who demanded a transfer to a 'bigger club' and then moved to those football giants Middlesboro, continued to sip his Britvic juice and hide in the corner.

Anyway... as I say, he ain't the greatest, but I like David James, and I felt for him this week when the cliche-ridden media pygmies got their spears out again to prod him mercilessly. Still, it all finished happily... he was back in Brum yesterday and had a smile as wide as the Bull Ring at the end of the match. And so did I.

If anyone finds out exactly which 'apartment' Mr Wilson is living in overlooking the rat infested canals of downtown Walsall, let me know please... but watch out for flying pigs while you're looking for him.