Independent views

They give you a free copy of The Independent when you go into Conference. So, I hope the delegates enjoyed this letter as much as I did.

Sir: In his conference speech Gordon Brown said, "It has been a privilege to work for the most succesful ever Labour leader and Prime Minister." "Well, that's a lie," replied Cherie. Perhaps she's just a big fan of Clement Atlee.

Bloggers 4 Labour

After making some rather tetchy remarks about Kerron Cross, it was inevitable I suppose that we should meet up at the Bloggers4Labour drink.... and guess what, he's a really nice guy, not an 'on message' Blairite at all, and was even featured on the telly later that night supporting Gordon Brown (so I suppose he must be a bit on message). Others present that I had a chance to talk to included Antonia (who confessed to clapping the video screen during HIS speech - a quite bizzare sight. People actually gave the screen a standing ovation at the end!!) Gareth, (who is a giant so I'm not going to write any rude comments on his site anymore) Catherine from North of the River and Adele, who wanted to know if Dave Prentis was a 'trot' (No, Adele, he's not). Anyway, there were a number of others present who I didn't get much chance to talk to or didn't remember their blog name after having imbibed a bit, but they all seemed pretty decent folks. I couldn't help thinking how dreary a Tory equivalent would be.

You'll never guess who I met in a queue....

Just to show how hi-tech we are here in the New Labour village we have an internet zone for the thousands of delegates and visitors to use to access their e-mail, update their blogs and in some cases re-write the holy bible, I think. You see... there are only 6 computers between all of us, and some people are hogging them. So, in order to access the computers you have to wait in a queue (yes, another bloody queue) for anything up to half an hour.

It has it's interesting aspects though. This morning, whilst nosing in on someone's conversation in the queue I realised that I was standing right behind the world's numero uno Labour bogger, none other than Kerron Cross. To be brutally honest, I was a little disappointed. His blog shows a fresh faced youth, smartly dressed and neatly pressed. Not this Kerron Cross, however. Tieless, dressed in a Burton's suit which had definitely seen better days and with a ripped lining, he looked an altogether sorrier figure than I had anticipated. He must have that natural charisma though, because whereas I shuffled along unnoticed by fellow delegates, Kerron was approached by a series of nubile young things keen to chat and simply exist in the same atmosphere as him.

So, with Luke Akehurst being altogether 'rounder' than I had expected, and Kerron being somewhat shabbier, I hesitate to attend the Bloggers4Labour 'do' tonight in case more of my mythical impressions get debunked. I think I'll go home and dress down a bit though, I wouldn't want to stand out from the crowd.

New localism

The theme of the week seems to be 'devolving power to communities' So far I've heard Hazel Blears telling people about the need to 'empower local people', Ruth Kelly saying we need 'doorstep devolution', and Gordon Brown on Today saying we need to devolve power from 'Central Government to local communities'.

It all sounds very fine, doesn't it. But what does it mean? What I suspect it means is finding a way to take power away from local authorities. Empowering who then? Who or what are 'local people'? It's a stupid, meaningless phrase and one of the sorts of cliches that endlessly drips from David Cameron's tongue. Every local councillor knows about the self-appointed 'local activist' or 'voice of the people'. There is even one in my Ward who has given himself the OBE and signs his corespondence with this fictional award after his name. Self-appointed, unelected, unaccountable. By and large, they are unelectable... and hence their attraction to the Blairites. Like Thatcher, who wiped out a whole tier of local government because it wouldn't do as she commanded, the Blairites talk the talk on democracy... but they don't walk the walk. If someone else can claim a democratic mandate, it threatens theirs. Watch out for the Local Government Bill in the autumn and the Lyons report shortly after... and when you hear people talk of 'empowering local people' ask them the five questions!

Not now, Hazel, not now.

Ok... I'm in! I'm blogging from the broadband access in the exhibition hall inside the GMex Centre. I have to admit, I never thought I would ever make it. The registration hall is about three-quarters of a mile from the GMEX Centre. When I got there at about 1pm I was asked to join an enourmous queue of other delegates who had either not received police clearance or simply been victims of Labour Party imefficiency (take your pick). 20 minutes later, the queue had not budged an inch, other than those elderly people in front of me who had given way to fatigue. But... at about 2.30pm, half an hour after Conference opened, I finally got to the front, was told I was one of the 'happy people' (believe me, she cannot begin to know how wrong she was) and nwas given a slip of paper and received some instructions to go down a corridor and take the fourth door on the left..... where I joined another bloody queue!!! This was much shorter, and 10 minutes later I was given my pass (and who should be waiting for his pass, but none other than Luke Akehurst - we didn't speak). Another hike up the road, and starving hungry, bloody thirsty, and a bit too sweaty for comfort... I passed through the security checks and metal detectors, just in time to hear Hazel Blears making sweet noises about encouraging the voluntary sector and engaging with Labour supporters, not just members. She then went on to talk about efficiency and renewal under Labour.

Not now, Hazel, not now.

Must go... I've just seen an old UNISON contact, Wendy Nichols from Yorkshire, up at the mike and giving it plenty about the NHS strike.

And they all lived happily ever after

To all those of you who think the world is full of nasty, selfish little Thatcherites, standing on their own two feet, and if that doesn't work, standing on everyone else's... read Steve's story at Occupied Country. It'll warm the cockles of your heart whilst bringing a tear to the eye.... and show you the value of good old working class solidarity.

Michael Meacher joins the blogging community

So, now Michael Meacher has joined the very short list of blogging Labour MPs. Today he can reveal from an unimpeachable source that Gordon Brown has told junior ministers that if they do not vote for him in the forthcoming leadership contest, they'’ll be out. Well it is nice to see that the authoritarian streak which has characterised the Party leadership under Blair is not going to be changed under Brown... if he wins.

Any other Labour MPs who want some advice about how easy it is to set up a blog, get in touch with me at Conference. Alternatively, you could arrange to pass your exclusive bits of juicy gossip, particularly about your fellow MPs in the Tory and Lib Dem camps, through to little old me and I'll repeat them.

It's not clever and it's not popular

Simon Jenkins in the Guardian on the failure of Thatcher-Blairism to understand that the privatisation of public services is neither popular nor an improvement.

When viewed in the round, Thatcherism's conduct of the public sector is one of extraordinary ineptitude: the poll tax, rail privatisation, on-off hospital autonomy, school testing, computer procurement, farm subsidies, family tax credits. Private finance, said to be "the only game in town", is startlingly expensive. Blair's quest for service delivery through "e-government" is as elusive as his quest for democracy abroad through e-war. Labour's most treasured creation, the NHS, is forced to find upwards of £12bn to pay for a computer system it does not need and must cut swaths through hospital services to do so. To all this, Thatcherism seems to have no answer.

Kalinka

One of the highlights of my secondary education in Aston (and believe me, there were not many) was an amazing visit to the school by the Red Army Choir. I can still remember Kalinka, so in order to send all those off to conference in good spirits... here goes.


PS- Before the comments box is filled with Tory plonkers saying that this means I am personally responsible for the execution of every Russian kulak and peasant since 1917... save yourself the effort, I'm not interested.

Join the queue

I always liked Bill Bryson's description of the French attitude to queuing. They all stand around patiently in line waiting for a bus in an orderly queue. Then, as soon as the bus arrives it descends into a chaotic rugby scrum. Well, here's a blog about the British approach. I love this particular one... how many times have I stood behind this woman?

B19

Lozells is not one of Birmingham's prettiest suburbs, and rap music, whether it be from the studios of New York or Dakar is not something I find very listenable, but Soweto Kinch has released an album about Lozells which sounds like it could be well worth a listen.

18 Doughty Street

I've added a link on the sidebar to 18 Doughty Street, the latest innovation by ConservativeHome's Tim Montgomerie and Iain Dale. It sounds as if it has got some real potential, although only time will tell if it descends into Labour bashing or Tory propoganda. I have some grounds for optimism on the basis that they seem to be inviting a network of 'reporters' to record slots for the station from across the political spectrum. I have been asked by Iain to give some thought to taking part and I'm going to try to visit the studio next month to see what it involves. However, as I told Iain, my rather broad 'brummie' accent (so I am told) never really translates to radio or tv.... but, let's see.

If there is anyone else who thinks they could do something along those lines, you may want to contact Iain via his blog and offer your services. I mean, Tom Watson must have some extra time on his hands these days, and he has got a face which is made for radio!

Old Big 'ead

It's late in the day for this I know, but Paulie from Never Trust a Hippy reminds us that even though it wasn't listed in Dead Socialist Watch, today marks the anniversary of the death of probably the best football manager this country has ever known (I don't know whether I'm the best, but I'm in the top one, he used to say). They are collecting for a statue to be erected to the great man if you want to send a quid or two.

His Master's Voice

Listen out for the PM's speech next week and see how often this happens (from 50 ways to irritate everyone)

Middle class people (especially politicians and media folk) who try to talk in "street" accents but can't keep it up – saying "goh", "woh" or "loh" one moment and "got", "what" or "lot" the next.

Only 18 holes in the game?

18 Reasons why I hate the Ryder Cup. What... only 18?? Here's another couple...

19. When it is played at the Belfry even the hotels and bars in the far West of Birmingham (20 miles away) are full of Americans dressed in silly clothing who were conned into thinking that the Hagley Road was in the heart of Shakespeare country, so they wonder around asking if you know where Anne Hathaway's cottage is.

20. Golf... or even worse still, golf on television. This is surpassed only by Formula 1 motor racing and anything involving horses as THE most boring spectator spectacle when viewed on tv. However, I suspect that unlike motor racing where being at the circuit and smelling the fuel, or horse racing where being near the parade ring and smelling the horse shit, golf is probably an even more distressing experience to watch live on the course.

I'll stop there, but I'm sure given the time I could get the list up near the 100 mark.

Alas... poor Ming


Watching Vince Cable explain the Lib Dems tax plans was a bit like watching Norman Wisdom explain nuclear fusion.His answers lasted as long as it took Andrew Neil to point out that he was talking rollocks.

Read more at the excellent Impossible Promises.

The cat litter tray of history

I've just seen Liverpool Lib Dem Councillor Richard Kemp make a Conference speech in which he called for their proposals for local government to be "condemned to the litter tray of history". Another speaker moving reference back of the report said, "There is nothing very much wrong with this paper.... because there's nothing very much in it". How very satisfying that the Party that only actually runs anything at all at local government level...seems to know sod all about it.

Everybody seems to be getting worked up about the Panorama programme tonight in case it names some well known football managers in bung scandals, with Bolton Wanderers manager Sam Allardyce threatening to sue if he is accused. Well, we certainly know that David O'Dreary is in the clear during his last year with the club because the tight-fisted old get who was running the club never let him spend any money anyway.

On the subject of which, there's an entertaining thread on this site about the renaming of the Witton Lane Stand at Villa Park now the old swine has shuffled off. One dipstick bravely tries to defend Ellis... and even tries to suggest that the club has a policy of not having any minutes silence before the game (during O'Dreary's reign we often had 90 of them every home game). Others are less generous towards the self-styled Mr Aston Villa.

Never appear with animals, kids or celebrities.

It seems like Nancy Banks-Smith has been writing the sharpest television reviews in the media since Adam were a lad. Today she has written a neat little review of Jamie Oliver's latest school dinners programme which just captures the way in which politicians struggle to cope with celebs in front of a camera without a script. The scene where Oliver meets with new, and desperately unprepared, Education Secretary Alan Johnson was a treat, as Nancy saw it...

"Johnson was new to the job ("I'm this week's secretary of state") and it showed. I haven't seen anyone so unbriefed since The Full Monty. When he said "I can't commit to anything after 2008 financially", Jamie snapped back: "So does that mean our boys are going to be out of Iraq in a year and a half?" At this the minister's special adviser bounded from her seat as if gravity had been cancelled."

I'm quite sure we can expect David Cameron to take up the cause with gusto. "Every school-aged child will get free muesli and fresh fruit," Dave will pledge, adding with a wink to the camera how Margaret Thatcher was wrong to snatch the kids free school milk off them and he was apologising on behalf of 'modern day Conservatives' everywhere.

Some helpful advice for Conference Delegates

The Campaign for Labour Party Democracy has published Pete Willsman's Guide for Annual Conference delegates, and very helpful it is too.