New Labour.... New Piper

Well... not quite.

But this site has now moved. You can read the blog on it's new site at http://www.bobpiper.co.uk/

If you previously linked to this site... now is the time to change your links.

If you wait a few seconds you will be redirected automatically....

Unfortunately the previous comments have not transferred, so if you want to trawl back through all those Micky Oakeshott gems... you'll just have to come back here.

Clanger ridden Maude strikes again

Not for the first time in his life, Tory Party Chairman Francis Maude appears to have dropped a clanger. US economist Irwin Selzer once said of Maude...: "I do hope that the remaining members [of the Tories' council of economic advisers] will help you to improve the forecasting skills that led you to predict a recession immediately before the nation's rate of economic growth soared and unemployment began to fall." Well, now it is being reported that...

The investment trust that has cost Tory party chairman Francis Maude dearly in terms of publicity may have also put him seriously out of pocket. Jubilee Investment Trust - which catapulted Maude, a director, into the tabloids after it was revealed it had invested in a porn star's DVD empire - is now set to wind up following almost four years of marked underperformance that has see it lose three quarters of its original capital.

And this is the man that Wee Wullie Hague appointed to be Shadow chancellor and shadow economic affairs secretary. I bet Gordon used to shake in his boots every time he came up against this incometent across the despatch box.

Normal service is resumed...

Apologies to those who tried to get to this site yesterday and couldn't. I attempted to migrate to beta blogger, but in doing so the system completely wiped my template clean. Fortunately I had backed it up a couple of months ago, so although some of the links disappeared, I was able to recover it. If yours has gone, let me know and I'll put it back on, although in the next couple of weeks I am flitting blogger to a new design and host anyway.

But it is a lesson... don't forget to copy your template into a word processor every now and then.

Lack of respect

Iain Dale in an outrageous piece on his blog questions the courage of British soldiers in Iraq. How easy it must be from the comfort of your computer in Essex to question the bravery of people who are risking their lives on a daily basis. I've had a lot of time for Iain in the past. He doesn't seem that bad a chap... for a Tory, (unlike many of the serious sociopaths who inhabit his comment columns) but to type a post which even appears to suggest that these soldiers may be too frightened to ask a simple question is contemptible, and they deserve an apology.

Like it

(via Bench)

The "little fat geezer" is dead

For people of 'a certain age' the notion that George Best was football's first superstar never really rang true. The fabulous Real Madrid side that slaughtered Eintracht Frankfurt 7-3 in the European Cup Final in 1960 contained at least two genuine world class superstars. Alfredo di Stefano and the man who died this morning, Ferenc Puskas.

When the Hungarian side arrived at Wembley in 1953 to play an England side undefeated by continental opposition on their home soil, Malcolm Allison, Dave Sexton and a few of the young West Ham players went down to watch the Hungarians train. "Look at that little fat geezer" Sexton quoted Allison saying as they watched Puskas jog around, "we'll murder this lot."

Well, England were well and truly stuffed 6-3. One of the goals which I'm sure will feature in the tributes came about when the "little fat geezer" put his foot on the ball in the six yard box, tempted England golden boy Billy Wright into a sliding lunge, dragged the ball back with the sole of his foot as Wright went sliding by, "like a fire engine going to the wrong fire" according to sports journalist Geoffrey Greene, before calmly turning the ball in to the net .

Life and Death

In Britain, a trade unionist might face dismissal for standing up for his or her beliefs. In Colombia, it can mean a death sentence ...
Jeremy Dear on a life and death struggle in Columbia. No doubt we can expect Columbia to be added to the axis of Evil.

John's alternative..

Well.... there's one hell of a lot of good stuff contained in ... John McDonnell's Alternative Queen's Speech. Certainly sufficient to enable 44 Labour MPs to try to get Gordon Brown to say whether he would favour these measures, and if not... why.

Blue...

Blue by Joni Mitchell has long been one of my favourite albums, and River one of my favourite tracks on the album. It is also featured on the latest Madeleine Peyroux album, Half The Perfect World, and believe it or not, she gives Joni a run for her money.

Another terrific album by Madeleine... with even a cover of Tom Waits' (lookin for) The heart of Saturday Night

Phone Mast Blight

Does anyone out there know whether there is any legal precedent for someone taking either a mobile phone mast company, or a local authority, to court for compensation for blighting their property and affecting its valuation when it is sold?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Stock Stories

I rather liked this piece about The Rise and Fall of the "Bus Plunge" Story. The Birmingham Mail used to do a lot of these 'stock' stories designed to fill a slow news day, particularly in the run up to Christmas. "Police warn shoppers of IRA Xmas bomb plot" used to be dragged out every year in December. I presume we will get a warning sometime over the next month of a "Islamist bomb plot" in the run up to the festive season. It seems strange that we never seem to see this sort of story immediately before an actual bomb explodes. Then a few days before Xmas the "Shops enjoy Xmas shopping boom" only to be followed in mid January by a stock story quoting the Chamber of Commerce griping about the worst Xmas for shopping (since the previous year's worst shopping figures, presumably). Anyway, I'm going to scan the papers for a few bus plunge stories.

Due process

A post over at The Stirrer caught my eye about Planning Officers holding meetings in private with developers and Sport England about some land just across the border from here, Harborne, in Birmingham. One bit that stood out was there appears to be a letter that Sport England have saying that proposals to develop part of the playing field “did receive support in principle from the City Council’s planning officers.”

Two Tory councillors for Harborne deny any knowledge of either the meeting, or the letter... but given the allegation that...

it’s even been claimed that council leader and Harborne councillor Mike Whitby was present, although this has not been confirmed

I suspect we haven't heard the last of this little kerfuffle.

It's a question of balance

Apparently, sex on TV doesn't appeal. I blame those flat screen televisions.

Ref hit by coin tossers

Alan Sheffield, the linesman who was felled by coin tossers at the Newport County and Swansea FA Cup tie at the weekend, is quoted in the Birmingham Evening Mail as saying that he feared the worst. I knew that comment had been made up the moment I read it... after all, I know Alan and he must have been through worse than that... after all, he works for Walsall Council!




Alan Sheffield -
attacked by tossers

Testing Times

I commented yesterday on Barry Beef's suggested England XI for the Ashes...

"Axe Trescothick for Christ sake and open with Cook and Strauss and use Collingwood as the occasional bowler... although any 'occasional' bowler, even against the Aussie tail, is one bloody big risk. But Trescothick is shot, anyway, (that could come back and bite me on the arse) and will give way in any even. Michael Vaughan, My Lord, is on the way back."

Well, it looks like my arse is safe from a biting for the time being, because Trescothick has made the decision himself. I wish him well for the future, but I suspect this must finally be the end of his Test career.

Political links

A new site for political blog junkies... Political Opinions.

Radio Days

Paulie over at Never Trust a Hippy gives a plug for the Charlie Gillett Radio Show on the World Service, and he invites you to spend some time over the next few days listening to the latest show with "the electrifying Aynur (a Turkish Kurd singer) and Chango Spasiuk, an Argentinean accordianist with Ukranian roots." OK, might not be everybody's cup of cocoa, but hey, give it a try by listening on the BBC website. Of course, if I was a less than scrupulous person, I could advise you to grab a copy of Audacity which would not only let you listen to the programme but also to record it to your hard drive, edit particular tracks you may like, and even export them to your MP3 player, including I-pods which are notoriously fickle about these things.

Smack it to them one more time...

Following on from the previous piece relating to David Davis' press release (oops, sorry, I mean Iain Dale's blog piece) about prisoners receiving compensation for ill-treatment, Iain's comment page on this item is a cracker. The comments vary from the apoplectic outraged Tory backwoodsmen through to people putting forward some rational pieces about the inadequacy of David Davis's response... the best of which is from jaihouselawyer, who actually knows what he is talking about:

Reid may well be suffering humiliation. However, David Davis has failed to act like a true opposition on this issue. The government acted illegally, the prisoners acted legally. What part of this does David Davis fail to understand? His line of attack should not have been against prisoners who are being law-abiding, but directed at those who are responsible for breaking the law in this issue. David Davis has only made the situation worse by his senseless remarks which add insult to injury. Is it any wonder that such crass stupidity does not deserve to be in government? Why should we replace one knee-jerking Home Secretary with another, who suffers from the speak first without thinking about it, and without seeking advice from those who know more about the subject?

One good smack deserves another

Iain Dale posts a populist little piece appealing to the base instincts of Daily Mail readers of his blog about the news that the Home Office has settled out of court in a case about the ill-treatment of prisoners. "Nice to know that the taxpayer's hard earned pennies will be used to shoot up a bit of 'smack', isn't it?" says liberal conservative Iain Dale. Glass houses.... stones, anyone? When will Dave answer the question?

The long war

One Friday night in 2003, whilst "shock and awe" blitzed Bagdhad, I was shouted down in our Constituency Labour Party meeting for saying that the US and Britain could defeat the Iraqi army in a matter of days, in the same way as Israel had defeated Egypt and its allies back in 1967. But Israel was still fighting that war over 35 years later, and the so-called coalition faced the gravest danger of being emeshed in a long drawn out and bloody conflict in Iraq. The parallels, of course, are not entirely co-incidental, as Peter Preston writing in The Guardian says, resolving the Israel-Palestinian situation will not on its own necessarily defeat al-Qaida, but without a resolution to that conflict, peace in that region and beyond will not be possible.

Maybe bringing peace to the Middle East after over half a century of vicious strife wouldn't bring total generation shift, the lessening of a fury, the erasure of hatred. But it would be a beginning, a symbol, a chance to start afresh.

Q & A with Jack Straw

Jack Straw answers readers questions in The Independent.

Donald Rumsfeld, an architect of the Iraq war, has resigned. As its principal UK apologist, did you ever consider resigning?

No.

Whatever became of the left-leaning radical young Jack Straw, now buddies with the likes of Condoleezza Rice?

I had friends across the political divide then. I am very much the same person.

Teenage dreams

Wisden editor and journalist Matthew Engel lost his 13-year old son to cancer two years ago and later wrote this heart-wrenching piece about the loss of his best friend in The Guardian. Engel started the 'Laurie Engel Fund' with the intention of raising £100,000 towards the £2 million cost of a specialised teenage unit at Birmingham Children's Hospital where Laurie was treated. It will provide six beds and top-notch facilities for the patients, including internet access, entertainment area, kitchen and a “chill zone”. It will offer teenagers having treatment privacy when they need it – and the chance to be sociable, and just be teenagers, when they need that. Six teenagers are diagnosed as suffering from cancer every day in the UK.

Well, the fund has raised over £400,000 so far, and the unit has been transformed from a dream to a reality.

Again, and again, and again and again

"Willie McBride died 1916"

Well how do you do young Willie McBride?
Do you mind if I sit here down by you're grave side?
And rest for a while 'neath the warm summer sun,
I've been walking all day and now I'm nearly done.

I see by your gravestone you were only nineteen
When you joined the great fallen in nineteen sixteen
I hope you died well and I hope you died clean
Or young Willie McBride was it slow and obscene?

Chorus:
Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did the sound the dead march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play 'The Last Post' in chorus?
Did the pipes play 'The Flowers Of the Forest'?

Did you leave 'ere a wife or a sweetheart behind?
In some faithful heart is your memory enshrined?
And although you died back in nineteen sixteen
In that faithful heart are you forever nineteen?

Or are you a stranger without even a name?
Enclosed and forgotten behind a glass pane,
In an old photograph torn battered and stained,
And faded to yellow in a brown leather frame.

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did the sound the dead march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play 'The Last Post' in chorus?
Did the pipes play 'The Flowers Of the Forest'?

The sun now it shines on the Green Fields Of France,
There's a warm summer breeze that makes the red poppies dance,
And look how the sun shines from under the clouds,
There's no gas, no barbed wire, there's no gun firing now.

But here in this grave yard it's still No Mans Land,
The countless white crosses stand mute in the sand,
To mans blind indifference to his fellow man,
To a whole generation that was butchered and damned.

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did the sound the dead march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play 'The Last Post' in chorus?
Did the pipes play 'The Flowers Of the Forest'?

Young Willie McBride I can't help wonder why?
Do those that lie here know why did they die?
And did they believe when they answered the call?
Did they really believe that this war would end wars?

The sorrow, the suffering, the glory, the pain,
The killing and dying was it all done in vain?
For young Willie McBride it all happened again,
And again, and again, and again and again.

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did the sound the dead march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play 'The Last Post' in chorus?
Did the pipes play 'The Flowers Of the Forest'?

Did the band play 'The Last Post' in chorus?
Did the pipes play 'The Flowers Of the Forest'?

Eric Bogle's No Man's Land (The Green Fields of France). I particularly like the version by The Men They Couldn't Hang.
According to Wikipedia, "Piet Chielens, coordinator of the In Flanders Fields War Museum in Ypres, Belgium, and organizer of yearly peace concerts in Flanders, once checked all 1,700,000 names that are registered with the Commonwealth War Commission. He found no less than ten Privates William McBride."

Cameron sucks

The Tory Party House Magazine claims that the boy Dave is sucking up to the trade unions with his latest piece of "Forgive us for Mrs Thatcher" gimmickry. Sadly they are unable to report what the trade unions said as they left the room sniggering up their sleeves. Whatever reservations the trade unions have about Labour, and they justifiably have many, any notion that they would even offer to urinate on Dave's head if was on fire, is entirely a fiction in the minds of Conservative Party PR people and media hacks.

Nick Griffin is a failure

PoliticalHack asks the questions... How useless do you have to be as the leader of the BNP to fail to be convicted of inciting racial hatred? Didn't anyone tell you that that is pretty much the job description?

Time for the fourth option

Any councillor in an inner city area will tell you tales of horror about 'publicly rented' housing. Not necessarily about the run down state of the housing stock, although repairs and maintenance are a big issue, but the sheer desperation of the homeless as 3 decades of under investment in social housing takes its toll. More and more councils feel the need to accept the bribes to divest themselves of the housing they have left after the 'right to buy', private sector landlords are rubbing their hands with glee and coining it in. But not all tenants are falling for the 'jam tomorrow' glossy publicity. Residents in council housing are standing up to government efforts to sell off their homes. Good for them, say I.

Tom Traubert's Blues

What an achievement

Credit where credit is due, I say. Birmingham City managing director Karren Brady has turned Birmingham City from a club just outside of the top flight of English football into what they are today... a club just outside of the top flight of English football. What more could be worthy of the title of Women Who have Changed The World.

Flykipping

We have long had a problem in Sandwell with flytipping, but I have to admit flykipping was a new one to me.

That's a relief

'Stella does admit she gets tired at the end of a hard shit but admits she would not want to be doing anything else.'

Stolen from Fisking Central, who owned up to stealing it from Private Eye, who found it in the Solihull Observer.

Stand in a Queue Day

Some of you may remember the site I referred to a couple of months ago devoted to people standing in a queue. Well, today is national Stand in a Queue Day. So if you are in a queue and have a mobile with a camera (or even a camera) handy, why not take a snap and send it in to the site before 13th November and get your piccy published.

Pants on fire

You might want to bookmark this page and if you have elections next May, read it in April when canvassers in the local elections knock on your door (via Bench). It may also be useful reading for others.

A gonner here?

Luke, meanwhile, feels sorry for Saddam's old buddy and finds the gloating distasteful ... and he has a hunch that "history will say Rumsfeld made all of us a lot safer." Well, that makes me feel safer.

I don't want to go to Chelsea

My prejudice knows no bounds. I detest Chelsea. I despise everything about their soul-destroying, peasant-plundering, oil-pimping, wallet-waving, pitch-ruining, ref-abusing, knee-falling, opponent-cussing ways.

Absolutely right.

Donkeys

Can I say straight away, I will not be staying up waiting with baited breath, to find out whether one redneck from Wyoming has beaten another redneck from Wyoming. No doubt for the next week the polling anoraks will be telling us how exciting it is, how significant the result is for the future of the Western democracies and beyond... but excuse me... I couldn't give a stuff! Two pro-market Northern Americans punching each others lights out for billions of dollars... I'd rather watch the Heavyweight boxing championship... and I don't give a stuff about that either.

There are much more interesting things happening in the world. This one about the Scottish donkeys certainly gets pride of place for me.

In his hour of need

Perhaps Saddam Hussein would have had a better chance of avoiding a date with the hangman for his crimes in 1982 if he had called some character witnesses. I don't just mean Gorgeous George who could testify to Saddam's 'indefatigable strength and courage' either. John Pilger suggests a few of Hussein's mates who may still be able to help in the event of an appeal:

When I was in Iraq in 1999, I met an assistant hotel manager whose sardonic sense of western double standards was a treat.

"Ah, a journalist from Britain!" he said. "Would you like to see where Mr Douglas Hurd stayed, and Mr David Melon - (he meant Mellor) - and Mr Tony Newton, and all the other members of Mrs Thatcher's government... These gentleman were our friends, our benefactors."

This man has a collection of the Iraqi English-language newspaper, the Baghdad Observer, from the "good old days". Saddam Hussein is on the front page, where he always is. The only change in each photograph is that he is sitting on his white presidential couch with a different British government minister, who is smiling a smile uncannily similar to that of his murderous host.

There, in yellowing print, is Douglas Hurd twice - on the couch and on page two, bowing before the tyrant. And there is the corpulent David Mellor, also a Foreign Minister, on the same white couch in 1988. While Mellor, or "Mr Melon" as the assistant manager preferred, was being entertained by Saddam Hussein, his host ordered the gassing of 5,000 Kurds in the town of Halabja. News of this atrocity the Foreign Office tried to suppress and the US State Department tried to blame on Iran. "Please give Mr Melon my greetings," said the assistant manager.

Come on, Mr Melon. No 6-0-6 to fill your time these days, surely you could help out an old mate in his time of need.

Talk of Mellor inspires me to re-post this link.

A good question

Eastcliff Matters asks the question: "Will David Cameron take Britain out of the European Social Chapter?" The answer, it seems, is yes.

The BOB's Awards.... (Best of the Blogs) ... vote for Slugger!

Street Art

The National Survey into "The Use of Community Art Projects and Murals as a
Means of Controlling Graffiti" that was commissioned by
GraffitiHotline.co.uk has been completed. The results are available online
here.

Short answers

Could you please explain how you campaign for a hung parliament and how I vote for one?
Clare Short answers readers' questions in The Indy. Well, she doesn't answer that one.

Roy Hattersley on directly elected Mayors seems to argue for spending vast amounts of public money to allow people to say 'No'. My concern is much more that in some areas we will end up with media favourites or 'celebrity' candidates being elected, and we end up transferring all executive functions to a bloke in a monkey suit or a radio dj.

Who eat all the pies?

Following my comments about the "prawn sandwich" brigade at Liverpool last week, this week I have experienced life at the sharp end at Villa Park. Courtesy of BaggyMP, Mrs P. and a couple of other Sandwell Labour people I enjoyed the corporate executive facilities in the Trinity Road boxes to watch a truly dreadful Blackburn Rovers side get the thrashing they surely deserved. The lunch was good, the wine was plentiful, (although I couldn't see any bovril on show) and we won 2-0. I thought I had better declare it before Tom posted the photos on his blog... a good day out all round.

Time travel

John Humphrys on why his parents had no fear of global warming.

Also, I know I've said this before, but does The Independent have to have a crisis a day just to fill up its front page? It really does dull the instinct.

Luke's Backing Blears

Luke Akehurst thinks that Hazel Blears should be the Labour Party Deputy Leader. Luke's only reservation is that Hazel might be some way to the left of him. Don't laugh.... instead, read the demolition of Luke's suggestion by the Ministry of Truth.

Splash the cash

Jackson Pollock's No. 5, 1948 has been sold for about £74 million. "Jack the Dripper" as he was known by some had an unusual style, to say the least. Try it yourself .... there's money in them there splashes.

Notes and Queries

Could you yank your head off? A different sort of deadhead. I was always a bit nervous around science and medical students, and now I know why.

If you thought that was weird, try building your own Rubiks cube costume.

Singing in Bahrain

Although Downing Street refused a Freedom of Information request from The Times to reveal details of the gifts given by Tony Blair to President Bush, it seems the White House is not so shy, and publishes lists of the gifts anyway. However, no wonder Bush liked his sweater, because the rest of Tone's gifts are pretty crappy. Some other world leaders are much more imaginative...

King Abdullah of Jordan has given the President six jars of “various fertilisers”, while the Sultan of Brunei’s gifts included a DVD of Singing in the Rain and the President of Tunisia offered a large box of dates.

So, you'll know better than to invite Abdullah round for Xmas dinner!

Ken for Deputy

I know this will horrify some people (a fair number of whom will be Labour Party members), and I also know it will not happen. I was reading the piece in The Guardian today about Ken Livingstone and climate change when I thought, I wonder why Ken doesn't stand for the Deputy Leadership of the Party? Jon Cruddas has indicated he would like to disconnect the Deputy Leader and Deputy Prime Minister's role, so there is no reason why the Party's Deputy Leader should be an MP. Nor am I sure whether the Party rules state that the Deputy Leader has to be an MP... but there are so many rule book anoraks out there that someone is bound to let me know soon.

Ken would provide a political counterbalance to a Leader from the right (I'm assuming we will not get a left Leader), and he would provide the Party outside of Parliament with someone to put forward alternative views. Also, he understands local government and local politics, which seems to be something sadly lacking in the national leadership these days. Yes, Ken seems (a bit like Thatcher) to have people who either love him or loath him, but judging by the London elections there are more in the former category. Over the years his support for unpopular causes such as gay and minority rights and talking to Sinn Fein, should have meant, with the London-based media spitting out bile against him, that Ken was dead and buried, politically... but he is a survivor. His support for subsidised public transport and the congestion zone also means that unlike the boy Dave on his bike, Ken has been in the environment game for the long run, not short term political expediency.

On the downside there are some who have never/will never forgive Ken for standing as an Independent against Dobbo for London Mayor (Luke Akehurst would be apoplectic if the Party chose Ken) and there are those who think he overstepped the mark with his offensive comments to the Standard journo. But hey, shouldn't the right have to make compromises for victory too?

I'm in the money...

Yippee. No more working for a while. Nor can you expect many blog entries from me for a week or two. I've just received an E-Mail telling me I've won £1.5 million in the UK National Lottery. All I've got to do is send some details to M. Emily Zondi in Doncaster. My winning number was 08 15 30 31 34 43 30.

Where did I get that number from? I didn't buy a ticket... perhaps someone bought one for me. I haven't had this much luck since the last e-mail I got from that Nigerian fellah who wanted my bank details so that he could smuggle his ill gotten gains out of the country.

Emily.... sod off!

A broad church

At least the Labour members in Selly Oak lcan't complain about not having a varied choice when it comes to selecting their next candidate.. Blairite loyalist to the core, Steve McCabe.... in favour of Foundation Hospitals, the Iraq war, student top-up fees, anti-terrorism laws and ID cards.... or serial rebel Dr Lynne Jones.... errm, opposed to Foundation Trusts, the Iraq war, student top-up fees, anti-terrorism laws and ID cards.

Should be a tasty selection meeting.

Parkinson's disease

If you just happen to be passing through the leafy lanes of Berkshire... this sounds like a great place to miss. Not just for the £850 bill for your grub and the unexceptional range of hearty ales, but you might even have the mifortune to bump into the Thames river bank's most boring Yorkshireman droning on about his love of Barnsley, Fred Trueman, Skinner Normanton, and Dickie Bird, whilst a whole host of middle-of-the road crooners to lull you to sleep. So... if you want a night out watching the tedious Chris Rea or Tony Christie over your reconstituted scampi and onion rings... this one's for you.

Happy families

Sir Paul and Lady Mucca. Couldn't happen to nicer people.

BNP kick squealing Sharon into touch... but who has trousered the cash?

Sharon Ebanks, thrown off Birmingham City Council following a recount of last May's Kingstanding election papers, has now been booted unceremoniously out of the BNP. Not for being an out and out racist, and surely not because enthusiasm for her cause drained away when it was revealed her father was black, but because she would not keep quiet about allegations of financial corruption in the BNP. Perhaps the most ludicrous suggestion for Sharon's departure was that

"she had made anti-semitic remarks"

... even Sharon, in the immortal words of Ricky Gervais, was moved to say "You're having a laff".

When the delightful Ms. Ebanks was fighting her case to keep her seat, Sandwell BNP activist Simon Smith launched a defence fund with a view to raising £5,000 from the gullible to pay for legal costs.... now some of the stormtroopers are asking the sheepish Smiffy, "Where's our money gone?" in light of the fact that the BNP are not paying the legal costs. Over on the Stormtroopers chat forum... things are getting a tad fractious.

Tom Traubert's Blues

A bad liver and a broken heart. A profile and interview with Tom Waits.

Turnout

Simon Jenkins writing in The Sunday Times writes an interesting piece on Ruth Kelly's local government proposals and the notion that Gordon Brown had essentially filleted them before they were published. Jenkins is trying to push the nonsense of elected Mayors' though, so he presents us with a few facts from the right-wing think tank, the New Local Government Network, whose very basis for existence seems to be that they detest local government. So, one of Jenkins' 'facts about Mayors' is that

"Election turnouts have risen"

. Well.... given the hysteria generated by the local media in these contests, turnouts would be up, you would think. I took a look at the New Local Government Network's list of Mayoral election results... and the turnout of electors listed there appears to have been less than spectacular. Of course, in Stoke-on-Trent in 2005, (where in 2002 the public nearly elected a BNP Mayor, which would have produced an interesting response from our NLGN friends)... the turnout was helped by the fact that nearly 10,000 voters took the trouble to vote... to spoil their ballot papers! Some endorsement, that, eh?

The sound of silence

I've just come back from watching Aston Villa play Liverpool at the Liverpool Central Library. This is not sour grapes. We are no strangers to defeat by a comfortable three goal margin up there. For years during the seventies and eighties it seemed that we were invited along as the support act when Liverpool were presented with the Championship trophy, and for desert they rattled up three quick goals before declaring and playing an exhibition match for their fans.

What was different today though, (apart from the fact that their slightly better than average team are a million miles away from winning the title) was that those games used to be played at Anfield. A roaring atmosphere, full of screaming demented scousers, intimidating to away teams and fans alike. Today's game was played in front of what Roy Keane once described as the prawn sandwich brigade. 3-0 up, with five minutes to go in the first half, ripping your opponents to shreds, a whole squad of stewards wouldn't have been able to drag me out of my seat until the break. But no, this passive bunch of muppets, who came alive briefly with each goal before returning to their slumbers, were off down the steps queuing for their half-time scampi. After the break, they patted their stomachs, and fell gently to sleep, interrupted only briefly for the ovation to the immense Steven Gerrard as he left the pitch, job done. When we got back to the M6, where we merged with the fake scousers and Mancs on their way back to London from Bolton, I wondered where all the old Liverpool fans who used to go to the match from their Liverpool homes, go now on a Saturday.

Old Lady VS. Jerk in Mercedes

(Via Paulie)... and as he says, watch the airbag.

Nightmare

I had a late night last night, and this morning I dreamt I heard someone called Andrew Lansley, who claimed to be a Shadow Health Minister, on the Today ranting on about how PFI was a complete waste of money. Then things got more surreal... I heard Lord Baker, former Thatcherite Education Secretary of State, savaging Labour for backing down to faith groups, particularly the Roman Catholic church over the issue of them having to accept up to a quarter of their pupils from other faiths or with no religion. It was a really horrible nightmare... and so realistic.

Wait for it...

Tom Waits has one of the most distinctive voices in modern music, with a rasp that sounds like a 60-a-day man who has swallowed a razorblade. He has a 54-track triple CD out next month, Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards and by following the links you can find more details and listen to some of the tracks, and I would urge you to listen to 'Road to Peace'... one of Waits' few diversions into politics. It's bloody brilliant.

Power to the people... but only if you do it how we tell you

So, that's it then. Ruth Kelly is putting the local back into local government. She (well, her boss actually, but the Opus Dei One has been lumbered with it) has decided it is time for local authorities and local people to be 'empowered'. Time to throw off the shackles of centralised bureaucratic government. Sounds really good, eh? All that local democracy stuff... all that 'double devolution' jargon... set the people free... let them decide. I love the sense of freedom and empowerment for local people in this one classic phrase... Central Government will:

"Legislate for choice of three leadership models for local authorities: a directly elected mayor, a directly elected executive of councillors, or a leader elected by their councillors with a clear four year mandate. All executive power will be vested in the leader of the council."

All executive power will be vested in the leader of the council. Well, you can't get much more local and democratic than that... can you?

A new non-job filled

According to Iain Dale, Gillian Shephard has got a new job. Obviously the arse-end of the pantomine donkey position had already been taken.

F.O.A.D.

Still trying to bin the reflected glory of others. After spending 23 years living on the back of a European Cup win when he wasn't there, he is now trying to claim the credit due to his successor.

"I always knew he was the right man and I have been proved absolutely 100 per cent correct."

Nothing to do with the 20 million-odd smackeroonies he trousered on the way out, of course.

Well, he ain't here then...

I thought I would try to help out in The War Against Terror (T.W.A.T.)... so I typed the name Osama Bin Laden on to this site...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

C.H.I.M.P

Ever since Thatcher, who seemed to think the law of the jungle was best, politicians have been engaged in trying to work out the best way of testing efficiency and value for money in public services. Major modified CCT regulations, Blair tried Best Value, and now we seem to have settled upon a series of inspection regimes. In health and social care you have CSCI and Joint Area Reviews and the Healthcare Commission, in local government we have the Audit Commission, education has OFSTED, and on, and on. If a Council, school, or a hospital trust gets a bad inspection you will often find something in the media from your rent-a-quote politician sounding off to anyone interested on the back of an Inspectors’ report.

It got me thinking about how we performance manage our MPs. At the moment, the only real measure is the ballot box every four or five years, and often, on the flimsiest of information, we are asked to judge whether they are doing a good job or not, even though we may have had no personal contact with her or him. So… why don’t we have a Commission that will tell us about our MPs. They could arrive with a few days notice, inspect all correspondence and see how quickly and efficiently it was turned round. They could check attendance in the House of Commons (MPs would clock in) and participation in divisions, and they could do unannounced spot checks outside their advice surgeries to check with constituents how they felt they were treated, was the MP polite and helpful, etc.

Then, they could publish their reports for everyone to see whether they are achieving a one, two or three-rated service as an MP. When it came around to selection of a candidate, or at election time, people would then be able to make an informed choice… yes, choice, that phrase so much championed by the government, about whether they had an MP who met the required standards. Then, if the public re-elect an MP in the full knowledge that he or she has been a wretch for years, so be it, that’s their choice.

Just to be helpful, I have suggested a name for the new body; it could be the Commission Hoping to Improve MPs. (CHIMP).

A mayor for Birmingham

The Birmingham Post today prints a letter from the Labour Group Leader on the City Council saying that "a Labour council would allow an unfettered referendum on the future governance arrangements for Birmingham." Leaving aside the fact that there is no immediate prospect of a Labour leadership of Birmingham City Council, should Sir Albert not indicate whether or not he has a particular interest in the possible position of City Mayor for Birmingham? With the Birmingham Post & Mail Group making it absolutely crystal clear over the last few years that it favours a City Mayor (pushing forward people like local historian Carl Chinn, the clown Digby-Jones, and even more laughably Karren bloody Brady who already presides over one lot of Birmingam losers), Sir Albert knows that a referendum is going to be massively skewed in favour of a 'yes' vote. Of course, there are those cynics who might suggest it is the only possible way Sir Albert could return to power in Brum.

Hatters on Cameron

Roy Hattersley takes a week off from attacking Tony Blair, and turns his attention to Dave. I suspect the dilemma that both Labour and Tories have with David Cameron is that neither really trust his integrity. Is he really the same old reactionary Tory trying to fool the electorate into believing he is something else as Hattersley says, ...

The Tory leader's approach to politics is so blatantly superficial that the thinking voter is waiting, perhaps subconsciously, for the real Tory to emerge from behind the bland wall of generalities.

... or does he genuinely believe what he is saying, and is just greasing the pole before shafting the Tories with it?

Don't think twice, it's alright

Birmingham City Football Club are Shit! Don't blame me for that, get it from someone who knows. At least Pete isn't like one of those saddos that have been wandering the earth for the last three years telling anyone who will listen that the sleeping giant has woken up.

This is a cracker for Dylanoligists. Thanks (again) to Tony.

More from The Bench

I have never seen this site before today... and now I am nicking all of it's contents because it is superb. Whilst you are there... check out the Afghan Novelty Pen.

Why don't we do it in the road?

Cruel... but clever.

On the subject of music, if my daughter happens to read this... you are reminded that there are 392 Jeff Buckley videos on YouTube.

A Short Farewell

I get the impression from reading Labour bloggers that their attitude to Clare Short's resignation is rather shaped by their own position on the political spectrum. For what it's worth, I suspect Elephunt is closer to my sentiments on this.

Johnny B. Goode

I suspect if asked to name a singer/songwriter as "America's most evocative post-war poet" many would choose Bob Dylan, for his lyricism, or maybe Johhny Cash or Bruce Springsteen, for their description of white, blue collar life. I've got to say though, I was impressed with Roger Winfield's choice in Guardian Letters today.

Rock 'n' roll's defining guitarist and its greatest songwriter (In praise of ... Chuck Berry, October 18) is also America's most evocative poet since the second world war. The teenager-driven cars (No Particular Place to Go), the tight dresses, lipstick and high-heel shoes of the teenager who has to return to being a schoolgirl at the beginning of each week (Sweet Little Sixteen), the would-be pop-star guitarist (Johnny B Goode), the poor country boy determined to get to California for a better life, despite the uncomfortable journey in a Greyhound bus, and the dangers lurking in the deep south (The Promised Land). Chuck Berry paints the definitive picture of increasingly independent teenagers growing up in the land of opportunity that was emerging into the light from the dark days of McCarthyism.
Roger Winfield
London

Maybe, Roger, but if only we had never heard that poetic classic... My ding-a-ling!

Oooh Aahh, getting the Word of God

The queues this afternoon were massive, snaking around the Pavilion shopping centre and out in to the rain. People bringing their children, many of whom weren't born when he was strutting his stuff in his pomp, for a brief glimpse and maybe a word or two from the great man. Yer man was signing his book... Back from the Drink (oops, sorry, Brink) and if he has genuinely recovered from his illness, I'm so, so pleased. Paul is a legend, and one that many park players can empathise with. They also drink too much, they also fail to train... but unfortunately for them... they are also crap!

Abuse

Super sleuth John Hemming has been quite good at highlighting voting fraud... and it is something which I agree with him on. It should be stamped upon and the perpetrators should be joining the ever swelling ranks in Britain's prisons. John is so hot on this, he not only exposed it on his blog, he even set up a website specifially to draw attention to abuse of the voting system. So, this is just a reminder for John, that this case in Preston Crown Court seems to have slipped your attention, with no mention on your website or your blogsite. Of course, I am absolutely sure that there is no connection between this momentary memory slip and the fact that the perpetrators were.... Liberal Democrats. (Hat tip to Impossible Promises)

Balls

Unity draws our attention to this story on the Labour Party website about the Tory tax proposals which encapsulates the entire sentiment in one splendid headline!

Brum 'let down by its leaders'

The Tory-Lib Dem coalition (under the leadership of Mike Whitby who doesn't even want to live in the City himself) that is currently ruining Birmingham, comes under fire again.

By the way... whatever happened to that Lib Dem pledge to look again at Asian representation within their City Council Cabinet positions? They all still have a distinctly pale look to them.

Cruddas for Deputy?

I must confess that when it became evident we were going to have a Leader/Deputy Leader election sometime in the next year, the name Jon Cruddas did not readily come to mind. Then it became obvious he was coming up on the rails in the betting stakes, moving from over 100/1 to single figures in just a few weeks. Well, Cruddas has now formally thrown his hat in the ring, launched his Deputy Leadership bid, opened a campaign website... and I have to say he don't look half bad. For instance, on his 'Changing the Party' page he writes...

"I want to re-engage with those progressives who currently limit their activism to single issue campaigns; trade unionists, community activists, anti poverty campaigners, charities and many more."

If Brown (always presuming he wins, of course) was seeking a deputy who would carry out Prescott's buffer role (buffer, I said, not buffoon) placating the trade unions and the soft left, that's just the sort of appeal you would make. At this stage the only other people to express an interest are Mrs Dromey and the Suntan Kid... and on that basis, Cruddas, my old son, you're a shoe in for the job. Having said that Alan Johnson has all but made his intentions obvious, (and my postman is a Shop Steward who tells me he actually went to Johnson's wedding - but I won't let that influence me) Straw must have opened the veil debate for some reason and Paddy Power are quoting 25/1 on Clare Short and David Blunkett... who must have about as much chance as Norman Tebbit!

Off the fence time, Dave

So, that was a week in Bournemouth in which a Shadow Cabinet member could barely move their lips without "No tax cuts here" squeaking out... followed by a Tax Commission which recommends £21bn in... errm... tax cuts! Now we will see what the boy Dave and his friend Wee Georgie actually do. I bet they are downing an extra pint tonight in my local at the thought of the abolition of stamp duty on their shares, a reduction in business taxes and the ending of inheritance tax. A price worth paying, they will say, in exchange for a slashing of public services.

An issue for the Ginger People's Liberation Front

They are leading the fight against sexual sterotyping at The Bakers Oven, in Kidderminster and Stafford, but it cannot be long before redheads start to hit back!

If that doesn't bring tears to your eyes... this might!

That's Entertainment?

After 3 years spent trying to prevent Blue Chip Casinos opening an all night casino in a residential street in my Ward we have this week been notified that the Planning Department has received a planning application for 'an adult amusement centre'right in the centre of the main shopping centre. What, pray tell, is a bloody 'adult amusement centre'? Far be it for me to prejudge an application (but I don't sit on Planning, so I can say what I like anyway) but if it is some sort of sleazy venue more appropriate to Soho or the Arizona desert... they had better settle in for a protracted fight.

On the subject of Casinos, Sandwell Council's Cabinet will today consider whether the Borough should have a 'No Casino' policy. Under the 2005 Gambling Act licensing authorities are able to pass a resolution stating that they will not be issuing any new casino premises licenses. There are already two casinos in Sandwell and frankly, for one of the most deprived Boroughs in England, that is more than enough. The Director of Public Health for Sandwell in his annual report has pointed out the link between poverty and ill-health, and the health statitics for Sandwell clearly demonstrate that. I am confident the Cabinet will support a No Casino policy today and that it will be overwhelmingly passed by Council on 31st October.

Democratic deficit

I have already expressed my reservations about New Labour's about-to-be-announced 'Double decentralisation' which is expected to devolve services and skip over the level of local councils to empower community groups and the voluntary sector. Well, the Tenant Management Organisation from hell has not done a lot to change my mind, that's for sure.

Peace in our time?

A very good piece by Skipper on the achievement of the Government, and a lot of others, it must be said, in getting so close to a settlement in Ireland... together with a constructive comment from Politaholic... and the usual rant from Thatcher's little clone you-know-who.

Cash for Access

I thought Iain Dale seemed unnecessarily tetchy the other day when I saw him commenting on a blog about the contributions to the Conservative Party by the freemason-type mafia known as the Midlands Industrial Council. Well, Fair Deal Phil has been doing a bit of digging around on the MIC together with PoliticalHackUK and what do you see there...

Sir Anthony Bamford - donated to David Davis’s campaign for the leadership of the Conservative Party.
Richard Smith - donated to David Davis’s campaign for the leadership of the Conservative Party.

Nothing wrong with that, at all. Just that Iain Dale, campaign manager for David Davis’s campaign for the leadership of the Conservative Party, seemed so keen to leap to the defence of the MIC. Perfectly innocent. Of course. No wonder Cameron has remained so close to his rival to the Tory leadership... keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.

The Sunday Service

According to today's Observer, there is a battle going on within the Cabinet between the Catholic Tendency and the rest about proposals to stop schools, companies and other agencies refusing services to people purely because of their sexuality. Given that even the Conservative Party (well, its leader) appears to have been dragged kicking and screaming out of the 18th Century on the issue of gay rights, although I liked the passage in the article which said

"the issue has also tested David Cameron's progressive credentials, with senior Conservatives still locked in debate about their response"

(the words fence and sit spring to mind) this particular squabble seems particularly unedifying, and how a member of the Catholic freemasonry Opus Dei can be put in charge of equality issues seems totally mystifying to me.

As I have said before, religion is a personal thing. In the same way as I don't want to be 'converted to homosexuality' - a ridiculous concept, I know, neither do I want Jehovas or any other bible-bashers knocking on my door. I don't think the Church, of any religion, should run schools at all. I don't think Britain should be 'a Christian country' nor Islamic, or Bhuddist or Seven-Day Adventist come to that. If individuals choose to wear religous symbols or clothes, be they veils, turbans or spiked garters, that's OK with me... but just, as Nike would say, do it! Don't try to force your religious views on to me. The Labour Party I thought I was in stands for support for the rights of people irrespective of their sexuality. If the Roman Catholic Church, or any other Church, Mosque or Temple believe homosexuality is a sin, that is up to them. If the Catholic Tendency, whoever they are, or anyone else wants to import those values into the Labour Party, let them get up on their pins at Party Conference and try it!

Feel their pain

Iain Dale has got some old footage from YouTube of the days when the old Witch of Finchley used to spend her days dividing the country, which clearly used to give Iain those Jonothan Ross moments in his youth. The interesting thing is, having watched the video straight after seeing Farage of the U-kippers on the Andrew Marr slot this morning, how much closer the video (and the barmy Baroness) is to Farage as opposed to the vacuous rhetoric of David Cameron. I suppose if you watch the film objectively, with all that flag waving land of hope and glory stuff you can understand the hurt and pain the 'natural party of government' must be going through trying to adapt to a life of perpetual opposition.... and then you can laugh out loud.

PS - Doesn't anyone have the footage of the old witch leaving Downing Street for the last time, dabbing the tears from her eyes, a joyous occasion for the nation.

Victorian houses... Victorian values

Over the last year there have been a few 'modern' and more upmarket type of establishments opening in my Ward, appealing to a younger clientelle. It probably reflects the house price inflation in this part of Sandwell and the demographic change as younger people move into the Victorian terraced houses. So imagine my surprise this week to be contacted by a constituent who was genuinely upset because she had been told off by the waitress for breastfeeding in the Bistro following a complaint from another customer. It wasn't as if she was flashing her boobs or making an open display of what she was doing either, but when she asked for the bill and agreed to leave the premises to feed her child, she was given a bill for the starter and main course, even though they had only been served the starter. Personally, I don't think under those circumstances they would have even got the money for the starter out of me.... but I think it does raise a question about how some of these places market themselves as being 'modern' whilst their attitudes are so outdated.

A Great Leader

If Tony Blair is getting ready to shunt General Richard Dannatt into a quiet siding following his recent outpourings in the Mail, perhaps when looking for a replacement he will consider the commendation of the former Deputy Director of the White House Military Office who also served as the 31st Commandant of the Marine Corps 1995 to 1999 who knows "a great leader" when he sees one ... and there was me thinking it was only Steve McLaren who was looking over his shoulder nervously.

Outrage

The BBC Midlands News today devoted at least 12 minutes of our regional news coverage to the Sion Simon YouTube video. OK, there hasn't been an earthquake, or an outbreak of the plague, or a great train robbery today in the West Midlands, but surely this video cannot warrant that sort of broadcasting time. But it wasn't just the time devoted, there was also the tone of the coverage. The normally placid granny's favourite, dozy Nick Owen, was apoplectic about it. Interviewing Simon, Owen turned beetroot red and spluttered about the video "offering your wife for sex", before then hinting that the Labour Party may want to take action against Sion simon, and fellow West Midlands MP, Tom Watson who has made comments on another video suggesting David Cameron has a Filipino maid.

Now there are those amongst you who would suggest that given recent events concerning Simon and Watson, the old Downing Street dirty dossier team have been up to their old tricks. You may say that, I couldn't possible comment.

Update: Bloody hell... Murdoch's got his nose in the same trough now, and they even have the subtlety to mention that letter..

Luke's list

Extreme right-wing Labour councillor Luke Akehurst doesn't think The Guardian's John Harris should be allowed to join the Labour Party. Why, I hear you ask? Well, Harris apparently once advocated people should vote tactically for the Lib Dems, SNP, Plaid, Respect or the Greens in some constituencies.

Well... I have some sympathy with Lukey on this one. I mean, for heaven's sake, how on earth did this bloke ever get in to the Party? I am prepared to join a campaign, let's call it Luke's List, where we draw up a hit-list of all of those former SDP, Liberals, and Lib Dems who jumped on the New Labour bandwagon in the mid 1990's and joined the Labour Party, and campaign for their expulsion. All those Downing Street policy advisers who have been advocating the privatisation of public services for the last decade, they can be first up against the wall.... we know your backgrounds, for sure.

Luke... get a bloody life!

Scrap the GLC (slight return)

The latest person to join the queue to get a sound thrashing from Ken Livingstone in the London Mayoral elections is Lee Rotherham who is standing on a ticket asking Londoners to get rid of him (actually, Lee, if you are the candidate, don't worry, I suspect you will get your wish!). He is supported by the Right Honorable Norman Tebbit who I nearly bumped into on Tuesday when he was following 'shagger' Parkinson on the way back To the Lords after Eric Forth's funeral. I half expected the Witch of Finchley to come floating around the corner on her broomstick next, but by the ghostly look of Tebbit, I have some doubts as to whether he will linger with us long enough to still be around for the Mayoral elections.

Bury Motty... and his mate Lawro

Humiliating as last night's football was in Croatia (just my luck to be in Cardiff when Wales win their annual match) at least we didn't have to put up with the commentary from John Motson. Whoever covered the game for Sky was bad enough, and David Platt's summarising brought almost as many hoots of laughter out of my Welsh fellow drinkers as Paul Robinson's air kick... but at least they weren't John Motson. I said this before the World Cup, and nothing he said there with the idiot Lawrenson (or Motty and Lawro as the Beeb call them in the hope that we will identify them as a couple of lads at the match) did anything to change my mind. So I was pleased to read this in my local rag...

"With every passing year the nonsense with which Motty pollutes the airwaves becomes ever more intolerable."

I'm setting out early....

I'm going to an event this evening at Cardiff City Hall, not too far from the Millennium Stadium.... I hope I don't get caught up in the crush.

Should we ban smoking outdoors too in some areas?

Westminster Council has applied to extend the smoking ban for pubs and bars to outside the premises. Now I know this will attract all sorts of complaints about civil liberties and send the pro-smoking lobby into fits of apoplexy.... but... I have some sympathy with what the Council are doing. The Planning Inspectorate has overuled the wishes of the Council's planning committee and the objections of the overwhelming majority of local people in my Ward and allowed a planning application for an all-night casino in a residential street. The Planning Inspectorate ignored the fact that people will be coming and going in taxis and cars all bloody night, banging doors and shouting farewell to their mates. As from next year with the smoking ban in operation on the premises, the smokers will be congregating outside for a fag and a chat at all hours. Well, I think Sandwell Council need to consider whether we can apply for the same sort of ban. I wouldn't want to intefere with the running of businesses before, say midnight, but after that it seems perfectly sensible to say that in residential areas people should not be allowed to congregate outside and cause a nuisance to people who need their sleep.

Go for the man, never mind the ball

...or should that read, go for the balls, never mind the man. A lot of what is written on political blogs is about the personalities of the politicians. Yes, there is discussion and analysis of political issues, but often even that is defined in terms of individuals. So we either have 'Blairwatch' which frequently hits the spot, but often couches it in fairly meaningful insults about the personalities involved (I am not exempting myself from that, by the way) all the way through to Iain Dale, who writes a marvellously entertaining site, but mostly in the style of a newspaper gossip columnist. The one thing you can guarantee from most is that the personalities are discussed and described in an almost entirely sectarian style.... and the commentators do that even more.

So, that's why I found this piece so interesting. It's by a conservative, it's about personality, but it is thoughtful, and not simply sectarian.

Who am I and where have I been?

One of the first blogs I check each day is the excellent The Daily. Once again today we find an interesting post, this one asking What's Watson up to? which reveals that Tom has put down two Written Parliamentary Questions asking about his own diary commitments and travel arrangements.

Bald men fight for comb

Just a couple of days after failing to win the leadership of his party U Kipper Richard Suchorzewski has resigned from the Kippers because of an alleged dirty tricks campaign by supporters of the other half of the rump. The Judean Popular People's Front’ are still searching for a leader, Richard.

The Hitler Youth

As The Daily points out today there has been a massive growth in the use of MySpace and similar sites, Social network sites are serious campaign tools and some of it is for ploitical purposes. According to my 17 year-old-son there has certainly been a great deal of interest in this sort of 'chat' site by the fascist BNP. He said that they start off talking to young people about matters of interest, music, tv programmes etc. and then they start gradually moving the conversation around to topics such as how difficult it is getting a job with all the asylum seekers in the country, or how the clubs are full of 'immigrants'. Eventually the chat moves around to how the BNP are defenders of English values and their love of issues such as animal welfare. I attended a Unite Against Fascism meeting in Birmingham on Saturday and it is quite clear from what people were saying that the racists have decided secondary school kids are a target audience.

Malapropisms

Over the last few days The Guardian letters columns have been filling up with people relating malapropisms. There is a friend of mine whose wife is an absolute genius at these. To be really effective a malapropism must have a germ of truth in it somewhere and Barbara's best to date was to issue a warning to her husband, "Jim, you know, a leper never changes his spots."

Watson calls for Cameron to come clean

Tom Watson challenges David Cameron to answer his questions. It would be good if a number of Labour Bloggers were to post this on their blogs.

Kerron Cross gets his leg over in his Watford strip

Communication breakdown

I'm amused by the irony of those bloggers who agree with Jack Straw because they find wearing the veil makes 'face-to-face' communication difficult. Very droll. While you are at it, perhaps you would all like to throw your radios away.

The Sandwell Council Jihad

rewriting history

Despite the fact that we come from different strands within the Party, I don't often take issue with Hughesy who writes a fine blog, but I don't think I can let this pass unchallenged. In an attempt to have a dig at John McDonnell for saying that people are disillusioned with Blair's Government, Hughesy decides to put the boot in to Clem Atlee for some obscure reason, saying:

"I wonder if he can remember the majority that Attlee managed for his (very short) second term of office after his allegedly ‘successful and highly popular progressive first term’ (according to some leftie mythologists)"

Now, I don't know whether I am a 'leftie mythologist' or not, but let's not deal in myth and look instead at some facts.

In 2005, out of an electorate of 44,245,939, Labour got 9,552,436 votes, approximately 21.5% of the electorate. Labour had a majority of 66 seats

In 1950, out of an electorate of 34,412,255, Labour got 13,266,176 votes, about 38.5% of the electorate and Atlee had a majority in single figures.

Yes, Labour only won a wafer thin majority in 1950, but with more votes than the Conservatives, and with nearly 2 million votes more than they had won in the post-war landslide. Staggeringly, 18 months later, Labour added another 700,000 votes - and lost to the Tories.

So, on a programme of nationalisation, building homes fit for heroes and creating the National Health Service (despite being broke from fighting the War), Labour markedly increased its popularity. In 2005, Labour's 9.5 million votes compares very badly with the 'Things can only get better' euphoria of 1997 when the Party secured 11,348,623 votes. So privatistion, creating a market economy in the National Health Service, and flogging off council housing are hardly the popular policies that the 'right mythologists' would like us to believe.

One big happy family

There are Blue Tories and there are Yellow Tories, but in Aberdeen, as in Birmingham, spot the difference!

So, what could be happening in Spring then?

So... at last, we get the recognition we deserve. Instead of spending a fortune and a lot of arses getting fat on conference seats clapping like demented seals every time the Leadership throw them a fish... we have scrapped the Spring Conference to put a lot more effort into blogging and podcasting!!

Believe it anyone? Not me, that's for sure. I suspect this is the first part of an announcement about a Leadership contest in the Spring. I mean, you wouldn't want a distraction like the Spring Conference to get in the way now, would you?

National Poetry Day

Apparently today was National poetry Day, so I thought I would reproduce Benjamin Zephania's plea for a vegetarian Christmas.

Talking Turkeys!

Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
Cos' turkeys just wanna hav fun
Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
An every turkey has a Mum.
Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas,
Don't eat it, keep it alive,
It could be yu mate, an not on your plate
Say, Yo! Turkey I'm on your side.
I got lots of friends who are turkeys
An all of dem fear christmas time,
Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it
An humans are out of dere mind,
Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
Dey all hav a right to a life,
Not to be caged up an genetically made up
By any farmer an his wife.

Turkeys just wanna play reggae
Turkeys just wanna hip-hop
Can yu imagine a nice young turkey saying,
"I cannot wait for de chop",
Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV,
Turkeys hav brains an turkeys feel pain
In many ways like yu an me.

I once knew a turkey called........ Turkey
He said "Benji explain to me please,
Who put de turkey in christmas
An what happens to christmas trees?",
I said "I am not too sure turkey
But it's nothing to do wid Christ Mass
Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be
An business men mek loadsa cash'.

Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
Invite dem indoors fe sum greens
Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
In a plate of organic grown beans,
Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
An spare dem de cut of de knife,
Join Turkeys United an dey'll be delighted
An yu will mek new friends 'FOR LIFE'.

Benjamin Zephaniah

You can take the Tories out of the 19th Century... but you can't take the 19th Century out of the Tories

One man's "little joke" is another man's "offensive homophobic comment". I don't know the background to this, but the Liberal Democrat person's comment that.... "this is a work-related e-mail service and therefore I also have rights not to have to read unrelated dirt." seems a trifle over the top considering the original e-mail sounded like a fatuous piece of nonsense about Noah having "to obtain planning permission, abide by building regulations, commission an environmental impact study, install a fire sprinkler system and seek guidance from the RSPCA." I suspect (on absolutely no evidence, I hasten to add) that Cllr. Clutterbuck is your standard old Tory bore who was adding his little piece of nonsense on to another piece of nonsense and that no amount of social re-programming will change him.

Mass debating

So, here it is... the launch of the new Tory eurosceptic group, the Movement for European Reform. Its aims are crystal clear..... it wants to , well, reform the EU. It stands for "having a debate", and it will become "a powerhouse of ideas for change." Is that not enough to persuade you what a good idea it is? OK, then, try this, "it will be a strong new voice for change, optimism and hope" and it will be "an exciting new project which aims to build a body of opinion in the European Union in support of a flexible, open EU."

Well, you can't get much clearer than that about your objectives can you? And you thought it was just another front organisation for all those xenophobes and other crackpots to whinge on and on about straight bananas and being in Europe but not ruled by Europe. As if.

Funeral songs

Paulie over at Never Trust a Hippy gives us the top 20 songs played at funerals. I must admit to having some doubts about this list on the basis that I thought Frankie's syrupy 'My way' was supposed to be the number one funeral song these days. however, it did bring to mind my own dear mother who had requested my father be sent to the fiery furnace accompanied by one of his favourite songs by one of his favourite singers, that they always used to request for the last dance. So as we stood around somberly, the button was pushed and the coffin started to trundle along the conveyor belt, and the melodic sound of Jim Reeves singing.... "He'll have to go"!

Whilst thinking about Paulie, I read David Peace's masterpiece The Damned United about Cloughie's 44 days at Leeds last week, and I couldn't help but think that a second volume about the Forest years would be much appreciated. I can't recommend this book enough, so I'll just reproduce one of the reviews on Amazon:

"David Peace captures the essence of Brian Clough brilliantly throughout - you can almost hear him saying every word. He doesn't shy away from some of the harsher realities - and speculations - about Clough but the reader can just as easily see how Clough's ability and drive made him the success he was. I can't recommend this book too highly."

Snout.... trough... eat!

When John Hemming MP was a bag carrier for Conservative Leader of Birmingham City Council Mike Whitless, he spent ages on the telephone bending the ears of reporters on the Birmingham Mail giving them news of excessive spending by the outgoing Labour administration on office decorating, carpets etc. Councillor Hemming would also regale us at great length with these tales on his blogsite... although for some mysterious reasons the archives no longer contain these posts.

So it is amazing that he hasn't been able to comment on this story, although it is amusing to note that the coalition thinks so little of the Dim Libs that Hemming's replacement, 'jolly good sport' Tildsley, has now been relegated to using his bus pass (oops sorry, I meant making a generous sacrifice).

Tweedle Dum... and Tweedle Dummer

Ch-Ch-Ch..Changes

How to lose friends and influence people

One of the most cutting remarks made about Tony Blair by his detractors in the Labour Party was that he never actually liked the Party or its members very much. In the same vein, the boy Dave has put a few noses out of joint (no pun intended, Dave) by snubbing the Party's B Listers.

Vote Blue... turn green?

With all of these new touchy-feely, hug-a-tree Tories I am sure that the new Internet TV station 18 Doughty Street, being "anti-establishment" will be keen to establish its 'green' credentials. Or will it?

I know the new station claims to have funding for its launch from its central London location... but do we know where from? It's best to be open about these sort of things given the current sensitivity, don't you think?

Tom Watson - The Movie

Tom Watson's resignation as Defence Minister has had a particularly good spin off... the best British political blogger is freed up to return to blogging. Now, in response to Cameron's latest publicity stunt, we can enjoy WatsoCam.

Bloggers4Labour... nothing happened, shock!

Labour's numero uno blogger Kerron Cross came to the bloggers4labour get together in Manchester last week.... but not much really happened! I suppose in a sense Kerron is right, but what exactly was he expecting to happen? Lap dancing? Karaoke? A round or two of bingo, or carpet bowls, perhaps? Here we assembled, over 20 people united only by our support for the Labour Party (which everyone had talked about all week) and the fact that we had blog sites. So, in a fairly relaxed and informal setting, we had a couple of jars and a chat, which was about what I was anticipating. Perhaps Kerron could organise the next one, and we could all find out what delightful sins go on on a wet Tuesday in Watford... perhaps the Derby & Joan Club concrete hut would make a good meeting place?

Nothing like hacking off the media

How very refreshing to see that those Tories who were sniggering at Labour (and me in particular) last week because we couldn't even organise the distribution of passes to Conference... are having a little local difficulty themselves in Bournemouth. Why, according to Iain Dale, many media folk couldn't get in and even the normally immaculate Andrew Rawnsley allegedly had to spend the night in the car because he couldn't access his hotel inside the secure zone. Those red silk socks will be starting to get a bit lively about now, Andrew.

Cameron theft shock!!!

An exclusive at The Stirrer reveals that David Cameron has been stealing images on his Webcameron site from a Birmingham-based web designer. Cough-up some cash for the guy, you bloody cheapskate fraudster. (Hat tip to Tom).

First day shockers

I wrote earlier about the turgid, dreary delivery of David Davis, who had less punch than the West Ham forward line. Little did I know that he was only the warm up act for John McCain. Frankly, it would have been more lively if they had wheeled out John Wayne.... and he's been dead since 1979! He first became famous for being a prisoner of war in Vietnam... and they obviously performed the frontal lobotomy on him there. It was truly, truly abysmal. According to the boy Dave, who looked quite lively in comparison (Geoffrey bloody Boycott would have looked lively in comparison) he's going to be the next President of the United States (McCain, that is, not Dave, or Geoffrey). Heaven help us.

Sleep easy, Gordon

I've just watched the most abysmal conference speech by the David Davis to the Conservative Party Conference. At through in almost total silence by the delegates, at the end of his ponderous rallying call, Davis got a 23 second standing ovation. And the Tories have the temerity to accuse Brown of being dour.

Oh Graham Poll, you're a f*****g ****hole

Over a season you see good decisions, you see bad decisions, but with Graham Poll you get consistently bloody awful decisions. At a time when there are all sorts of allegations flying around about 'goings-on' in football, there has to be some method of charging referees with bringing the game into disrepute. If players do things wrong and can be charged, there should be public acknowledgement of when referrees make dreadful, dreadful mistakes. I know it's a bloody thankless task and an incredibly difficult and pressurised job, but the way Poll consistently favoured Chelsea today was a disgrace. One second half decision not to send off a Chelsea player who dragged Juan Pablo Angel to the floor when he had a clear run at goal was dreadful. It was compounded when Poll didn't even book the player... and it was unbelievable that he didn't even give us a free kick. So, lads, well done, you stuck it up the billionaires... despite Graham Poll!

And the winner of September's Foot in Mouth Award is....

...none other than Iain Dale's Dodgy Figures. In a rather smug posting entitled David Miliband's Dodgy Figures, Dale takes the boy Miliband to task for cocking up his figures on the Today programme in a piece about global warming. It then appears, having it pointed out that Miliband was correct, Dale didn't have the humility to accept it, but instead used a Greenpeace person to suggest Miliband had just made a verbal slip.

But that's just not good enough. As Omar points out, Miliband got it right, and Dale got it wrong, and what's more, Omar provides the broadcast to prove it!

Penny for them!

Delicious... delightful... absolutely brilliant! There can be no words to describe this absolute pile of old cow dung who wants to be the next Conservative candidate to get a thrashing from Ken. David Banks in the comments section shows just exactly what sort of problems the Tories have got:

"wow , what a stunner! We certainly need more beautiful women in politics so shes got my support!"

but at least political animal demonstrates that he is not entirely stupid (remember, David Banks is the benchmark here:

..."not being a Londoner (i.e. resident) counts massively against you - in voter terms."

You know, I get more optimistic about Labour's future every time I drift through these Tory blogs. Also at ConservativeHome they are extracting the yellow liquid from Cameron's 10 Commandments.... 1. Love thy neighbour and thy neighbour's hoodied child....

Manchester a success story

I fully appreciate the views of those Mancunian folk who did not like the fact that part of their city centre was turned into a fortress during the Labour Party conference, although given the escaltion of terror threats I suspect it has become something we are going to have to live with. However, it did give thousands of people an opportunity to see the rebirth of Manchester since the heart of the City was ripped out by an IRA bomb ten years ago. I remember going to Glasgow after it had been the City of Culture some 15 years ago and being really impressed with their city centre, and Manchester has done equally well. Of course, there are vast pockets of deprivation in parts of Manchester that you don't get to see by flitting around the centre, but as with Birmingham, a thriving Centre may at least encourage investment and regeneration in a wider area.

So it is probably even more depressing to read that the lazy arsed useless Tory Council and their little puppy Lib Dem partners were too dozy to even bother to put in a tender for such a prestgious conference in 2010.

It's not the guy they like... it's the one they trust

Iain Dale writing on David Cameron, The Brand:

A cult of personality has been consciously engendered. He, not the party, is now the Conservative brand. He is a thoroughly modern man whose marketing persona aims at direct comparison with one man - Gordon Brown. The media perceive Cameron to be where the zeitgeist is. By comparison, Brown looks like a man of the past. And that's exactly the way the Cameroons want it.

The opinion polls definitely show Cameron to be more popular (i.e. likeable, affable) than Brown. The crucial question though, "Which man do you think would respond best in a crisis?" gives Brown an overwhelming majority. It is that mistrust of Cameron's political depth, not his "niceness" that will, I suspect, prove his undoing. Despite everything the spin doctors have been doing over the last decade, people would still rather have Alex Ferguson running the team than David Beckham and Posh Spice, or thick and thin as they are otherwise known. As Blair said on Tuesday (I knew I must have agreed with something he said) "Using opinion polls now to predict the outcome of the next general election is like trying to predict the weather forecast in four years time."

A bevvy or two

I had a wee drink or six with young Tom Watson last night in the Midland Hotel. The impressive thing was the numbers of his colleagues and other delegates, from across the political spectrum within the Party, who came up, shook him by the hand and congratulated him on his recent decision. I do believe he will be giving his first television interview since the resignation at 11pm tonight (in the Central TV area only, I think).

Peterloo massacre

As numerous delegates and speakers have been keen to point out to us all week, the GMEX conference centre is built on the site of St Peter's Fields where in 1819 mounted troops set about peaceful protesters which ended with the infamous Peterloo Massacre. Just to show the lessons have not been lost on the modern day constabulary and their masters, it seems that yesterday they decided to commemorate the event with a historical re-enactment. About 70 peaceful supporters of CND were taking part in a 'release a balloon' demonstration in protest at Trident renewal. Just before the balloons were due to be released three ranks of police, accompanied by mounted police and dogs, swooped on the demonstrators because they believed the group to be "intending to cause disruption". One of the most fierce and highly dangerous protesters... a 62 year-old woman... was arrested, together with a graphic designer who was passing by and who objected to the heavy handed policing. Whew! Do I feel safe now!

Conference saved from dangerous protesters

As numerous delegates and speakers have been keen to point out to us all week, the GMEX conference centre is built on the site of St Peter's Fields where in 1819 mounted troops set about peaceful protesters which ended with the infamous Peterloo Massacre. Just to show the lessons have not been lost on the modern day constabulary and their masters, it seems that yesterday they decided to commemorate the event with a historical re-enactment. About 70 peaceful supporters of CND were taking place in a 'release a balloon' demonstration in protest at Trident renewal. Just before the balloons were due to be released three ranks of police, accompanied by mounted police and dogs, swooped on the demonstrators because they believed the group to be "intending to cause disruption". One of the most fierce and highly dangerous protesters... a 62 year-old woman... had been arrested, together with a graphic designer who was passing by and who objected to the heavy handed policing. Whew! Do I feel safe now!

Feed the world

A nice little snippet in The Independent conference diary today about Geldof's remarks that...one cause of poverty in Africa is that 70% of their intellectuals live abroad.

"I'm sure we could spare David Aaronovitch. He'd feed a family of six for months."

A proper choice

Despite the enthusiasm of those delegates who would walk over hot coals for Blair, and those who want a coronation for Gordon, I get the feeling the Party itself is up for a contest based on ideas. Not "Old" Labour versus "New" Labour (despite what a lot of people say, I do not consider myself to be Old Labour. The whole concept of Old Labour was based around a sexism, often racism and more often than not male, homophobic right wing agenda) but a party that wants a debate about direction. The Lib Dems are having a debate between social and economic liberal values, Cameron is at least on the face of it trying to drag the Tories out of the 18th Century... so we should also question many of the Blairite principles instead of clapping like demented seals everytime anyone says "three consequetive general election victories". Michael Meacher in The Guardian writes...

Domestically, we should end the obsession with privatisation as a panacea, not only in health and education, but also in housing, pensions, probation, rail and local government. We need a new leadership that will genuinely listen to the party and the public, with mechanisms in place so that it can be held to account. Conference should have a decision-making role, not merely act as an opportunity for the leader to grandstand, and nominations each year for leader and deputy leader would allow sentiment within the party to be channelled towards change. Parliament should take back much of the patronage and decision-making that No 10 has appropriated to itself.

and frankly, I couldn't disagree with a word of that.

This afternoon, for instance, the delegates supported a resolution opposing Patricia Hewitt's sell-off of the supply agency NHS Logistics to unionbusters DHL.... and in light of all that....this may prove very interesting.